I usually don’t tell people. I learned it only makes them quiet, their eyes shifting as if they don’t know what to think or say. As if they want to escape.

This time, though, his eyes got wider, not in surprise, it seemed, not in awe, but in recognition. His lips puffed out a bit and his hand reached across the table and covered mine. I didn’t move it away. “Do you mind if I tell you something in the same vein?” he asked.

My throat became dry but I managed a scratchy “Yes, please do.”

This was the first time we met and there was a startling intimacy. His brown hair, longish so it fell across his high forehead, complimented his brown leather jacket, stubble over his concave cheeks, sunken almost, emphasizing his square chin. There seemed to be a carelessness about his looks. But not his eyes. They were intensely brown, like a pit bull. But I wasn’t afraid.

He swallowed loudly, like he was gulping air. And told me of his time in Afghanistan. How it changed him. I’m a pacifist so the blood and gore, the viciousness, the uselessness of war cut like knives into my core and I felt deflated.

When he finished, his eyes were sad. I forced myself to meet his gaze, my own eyes blue in color and feeling. I swallowed hard. It seemed my turn to confess something deep, meaningful, hurtful. But I didn’t want to. Now it seemed my own semi-tragic life (as I called it) seemed like pennies compared to his hundreds of dollars of painful, tragic memories.

“What do you think?’ he asked, his eyes pleading.

“I think you win,” I said and immediately regretted saying it. He pulled his hand from mine,

“I’m sorry,” I said; “But I can’t conceive of that, can’t fathom it, can’t relate.” It was blunt and my saying it shocked me. I, who some would say thrived on sadness.

He got up, glanced once at me, and left. His brown ponytail swinging against his jacket. I watched him leave and I suddenly felt depleted, poor, as if I’d lost my wallet with all my money and identity in it. I felt empty and a question rose from somewhere deep inside, “who am I really?”

 

Bojinka Bishop has been passionate about the written word and stories since she was 10. After a career as a PR writer and professor at the Scripps School of Journalism (Ohio U), she is concentrating on flash fiction. She loves this genre – in which a brief scene can tell a life’s story.