Subject: Thanksgiving Mass
My dear brothers and sisters in Christ,
After much prayerful discernment and thoughtful consideration, we have once again chosen to present a beautiful choir program as a sacred offering for Thanksgiving mass. This cherished tradition, which has for so long lifted our hearts and souls heavenward, will be further blessed by the presence of a small orchestra — a grace made possible through the generous stewardship of our parish family.
It is my earnest hope that we will find enough voices to fill the choir, so that together we might proclaim the glory of the Incarnation through the beauty of sacred music. Yet I must acknowledge, with both sorrow and faith, that some of our beloved choir members have been called home to the Lord since last we gathered in this way. We entrust their souls to the infinite mercy of God, even as we seek to honor their memory by raising our voices with the same devotion they so faithfully offered.
Yours in Christ,
Father O’Rourke
Subject: Thanksgiving Mass
Praise be, Father!
Naturally, I feel compelled to inquire — are we, perchance, using those same scores from last year? I do recall they were left languishing in the basement, and — much like poor Noah’s ark — they’ve endured rather a dampening, haven’t they? I suppose, with sufficient Grace, we might manage. But surely, Father, we’ve taken the liberty of ordering new ones?
Karen Lubek
Subject: Christmas Manger
Father,
Well Karen said I’m supposed to drag that manger up for Thanksgiving mass, but I dunno — feels like she’s jumpin’ the gun a bit, don’t it? We just barely got through the fall festival, and we still got that whole pumpkin patch up there — with that Jesus scarecrow. I mean, I’ll do it, but I’m just sayin’ — it’s lookin’ real crowded up there already. Ain’t sure how we’re supposed to fit Baby Jesus in between Pumpkin Jesus.
Frank
Subject: Tenors
Father,
Now, I know we usually hire six or seven tenors from the college music program for the Thanksgiving concert—Lord knows we need them—but I have concerns this year. Yes, of course we need tenors. And yes, most of our dear choir members can neither see nor successfully climb up the risers without assistance, Bless their hearts. But I simply must speak plainly about these young men.
Father, they have been smoking marijuana in the sanctuary before rehearsals. And truthfully, it isn’t just the smell or their irreverent snickering that troubles me most. It’s… the situation with the snacks. As you well know, Margaret bakes exactly 68 cookies for rehearsals—not a single one more or less. And with that marijuana smoke hanging in the air, the entire choir becomes ravenous for cookies. Last week, I caught dear Harold stuffing six into his robe. And I simply cannot ask Margaret to bake more. She already counts them three times before she sets them out. You know how she gets.
Mavis Partnoy
Subject: Skunks
Hey there, Father—
So, after that last choir rehearsal, I came in to clean up, and let me tell ya, they left a mess. Cookies everywhere. Father, I’m pretty sure a skunk got into the sanctuary. I been sniffin’ around, and I spent a good couple hours tryin’ to track it down, but no luck. Now, I didn’t have my skunk trap with me, ‘cause honestly, I wasn’t expectin’ to have to use it. But I’ll be bringin’ it on Friday. Just wanted to give you a heads-up. Now, here’s the thing—when I corner it, that sucker’s gonna spray. And I don’t know if we’re gonna be able to air that out by Sunday. I mean, I’ll do my best, but you know how skunk stink is. That bein’ said, I can’t risk it sprayin’ one of the parishioners mid-sermon.
Anyway, just wanted to keep you in the loop. I’ll handle it—one way or another.
Frank
Subject: Basement
Oh, Father,
I do so hate to trouble you, but I felt it my duty to inform you of a rather pressing concern. You see, I went down to the basement to see if we had a few more scores—because, thank Heavens, we were able to secure a few more tenors from the college this year! Such lovely young men, so helpful!
While down there, I couldn’t help but notice that the water level in the basement appears to be… rising. I did mention it to Frank, of course, but—well—he is presently occupied with a skunk situation in the sanctuary.
Now, I don’t mean to be overly dramatic, Father, but this does seem…concerning, given that most of our precious music is stored down there. Not to mention the Christmas decorations, several bottles of sacramental wine, and, oh yes—the Body of Christ crackers. One shudders to think of the consequences should those become soggy.
Would you like me to reach out to a plumber, or shall we place our faith in Frank’s divinely inspired ability to multi-task? Please advise at your earliest convenience.
Yours in humble service,
Karen Lubek
Subject: Cookies
Oh, Father,
I just wanted to reach out because dear Margaret’s arthritis has flared up again, and she’s having a terrible time keeping up with the cookie baking. She’s been trying her best, of course—she insists she can manage—but I can see it’s wearing on her.
I was thinking… perhaps some of the young people might like to help? Maybe after service on Sunday? Just a little time in the kitchen, rolling out dough and keeping Margaret company. I know it would mean so much to her, and truth be told, I think they’d enjoy it too. Nothing brings people together quite like baking, after all.
Let me know what you think, Father. No rush, of course—I just want to make sure Margaret doesn’t wear herself out.
With love and kindness,
Mavis Partnoy
Subject: Skunks
Well, Father,
Looks like the skunk situation done sorted itself out. Ain’t smelled a whiff of it since before last service. Maybe all them folks singin’ scared it off—I sure wouldn’t blame it. I’ll keep an eye out just in case, but far as I can tell, it either skedaddled or keeled over somewhere I ain’t found yet. Either way, I ain’t complainin’.
Frank
Subject: Cookies
Oh, Father,
Thank you so much for asking those sweet boys to come over to Margaret’s house to help with the baking. They did such a wonderful job—why, they baked so many cookies! And I know Margaret was just over the moon with gratitude.
The house was alive with laughter, Father—such joy! It filled every corner as they rolled dough and swapped stories. And oh, how they laughed and laughed! So much so that many of them left red-eyed from all the tears they cried. It was just beautiful to see, truly a day to be remembered.
And, I am so proud to say, we now have over 200 cookies set aside for the dressing room for the Thanksgiving choir mass. What a blessing!
Thank you again, Father—it was a day filled with love and laughter, and I know Margaret will cherish it always.
With a grateful heart,
Mavis Partnoy
Subject: Thanksgiving Choir Mass
My dear brothers and sisters in Christ,
What a truly beautiful choir concert we shared on Sunday. I thank you all for your God-given talents and your unwavering service to the Lord. The music was transcendent, lifting our hearts to heaven in a way that words alone never could.
As I sat, eagerly awaiting the first notes of the choral arrangements, I found myself struck by another kind of music—the laughter of the choir. It was almost a song in itself, a joyful noise unto the Lord. And, I must say, I don’t think I’ve heard dear Doris giggle like that in years. What a gift!
Of course, as with all things, we were met with a few… unexpected trials. It was unfortunate that the skunk chose that moment to make its return. Though, in fairness, I suspect the rising tide of water from the basement flooding the sanctuary may have given it little choice in the matter. But let us remember—Noah, too, faced quite a bit of water in his time, and God saw him through it.
I thank you all for your patience, your dedication, and your continued service to this church. And I remain hopeful that, after we rebuild, we will once again fill our sanctuary with such beautiful and moving services.
In faith and gratitude,
Father O’Rourke
P.S. Frank, thank you for braving the floodwaters to retrieve the manger scene. I know the water was at least two feet deep, so I deeply appreciate your valiant efforts. I trust the Holy Family has now dried off and is resting comfortably.
Kelsey Stewart is a writer base in Houston, Texas. She received a bachelor’s degree from Loyola Marymount University and is working on her master’s in creative writing at Harvard. She is a trained opera singer and performs with the Houston Grand Opera.
