please
be brave enough
to step into
the tender space that grief creates
and walk beside me
these fragile days
do not ask me
what I need
I do not know
I only know
that my heart is shattered
and it’s lonely
trying to knit it back together
on my own
so just come
and sit beside me
and let me cry
or talk
or laugh
or all of the above
do not be afraid
to say or do the wrong thing
there is no right way to grieve
just what comes to you
each moment
then the next
grief is not contagious
you can’t catch it from me
but my grief dissipates
a tiny fraction
with each act of love
and I can breathe
do not be afraid
to step into
the privacy of grief
if everyone hesitates
there’s no one
stepping in
to comfort
and it is a deep comfort
to have company
in the lonely
white noise of grief
especially when
your family lives
across the country
when you’re a teacher and
school is out for the summer
and you live alone, now
here are things that have helped
if you’re looking for ideas
text, then text again, then text again
grief isn’t a
one-and-done kind of thing
sometimes, call
and leave messages when I don’t answer
I don’t always have words
or the energy for a conversation
but to hear your voice is a treasure
sometimes, come in person
to just be with me
for a moment or a day, take your pick
listen to me cry and hug me tight
human touch is a gift
for one who lives alone, in grief
and it’s a relief
to let the tears out
that I’ve been holding in all day
some days
with my brave game-face on
share memories with me
and in so doing
give him back to me
if only for a moment
I am hungry for memories
send flowers
that fill my home with beauty
and scent and love
to remind me I’m beloved
even if my beloved is gone
I yearn for beauty in these dark days
invite me to do things
even in these early days
especially in these early days
even if I can’t go yet
it’s good to be included
although I cannot always follow through
I am longing for connection
send me poems
to heal my weary soul
from across an ocean
set to music
read by you
I will listen again and again
(this really happened)
and here are a few things
that didn’t happen
that would have been lovely
in all the movies and books with a death
people come in person
bearing comfort food
to comfort the bereaved
I miss that part of our culture, now
I invite that back in
grieving alone is brutal
and many days I completely
forget to eat
send an actual card
that I can touch and hold
and look at in the difficult moments
it will also help in the
absorbing-that-this-is-real piece of grieving
for grief is entirely surreal
e-cards and texts are kind and appreciated
but technology is distant
grieving is up close and personal
in my opinion
which no one asked for, but here it is, anyway
the response to grief should match grief
when my mom died
a dear friend sent me a grief book
that was helpful
I encourage those
acts of bravery
and deep, selfless love
whatever you think of
to do or say to show your love
will be beautiful
and will lift my spirits
I promise
the more personal
and in-person the better
that’s who I am
that’s how I grieve
we are not all alike
but this is me
please
be brave enough
to step into
the tender space that grief creates
and walk beside me
these fragile days
