While reading Lois Lowery’s The Giver,
she describes a battle, so I stop the class
to pose the question, “What war is
the author describing?
Bruce raises his hand,
“The Revolutionary War.”
I say, “No, let’s look for context clues.”
Lily volunteers, “They have horses.”
Sam adds, “Cannon balls.”
Then Bill explains, “One side is wearing
blue and the other side gray.”
“So what war is it?”
Jenny says, “Vietnam.”
I shake my head, “Wrong century.”
Carlton guesses, “The Iraq War.”
“No, that’s not it either.”
I am starting to feel like Jerry Seinfeld
in that famous Saturday Night Live sketch,
where he’s the history teacher, and the students
are trying so hard, but just don’t get it.
To give them a clue, what war was taking place
when Abraham Lincoln was president?
Kim’s waves her hand excitedly, “The Civil War!”
Good job!” And to make sure
everyone is listening, I ask Fred,
“What is the name of war Lowery is describing?”
And Fred answers seriously, “W.W. II.”
“Oh my God! Kim just gave you the correct answer,
The American Civil War.”
Later that afternoon, while doing hallway duty,
a counselor passes me a note which reads,
“Two girls stopped by my office to complain.
They said you took the Lord’s name in vain.”
Unfortunately, I didn’t say my entire prayer,
which goes, “Oh God, help me out down here.”
If they’re upset with this perceived blaspheme,
how do these students with delicate ears
survive the swearing in the halls
and garbage on TV?
I always tell my students, if you don’t know
what everyone else knows,
you are at a disadvantage.
