The first week of class,
we go over classroom rules.
One of the most important is
I don’t allow gum.
When some students complain,
I tell the class to look underneath their desks.
Many of the student’s heads disappear
like they dove under water and just came up
for air. Their faces wear expressions
of astonishment. Gross! Yuck! Crap!
Unfortunately, there are always some
who can’t handle the responsibility
of chewing gum. I’ve been teaching
long enough to know
if I allow gum in class,
in a few weeks gum
will be on the chairs,
stuck in someone’s hair,
be on the floor, maybe
on the bottom of my shoes.
I’ve even found gum
stuck inside textbooks.
Saliva on gum carries viruses and germs.
You might catch the common cold, the flu,
strep throat, COVID. So, when you get to class,
please ditch your gum in a Kleenex.
For your convenience, I will always have
a box of tissues on the table
next to the door and waste basket.
The following Monday,
I start class by announcing,
“I want to thank the three students
who spit their gum out
while entering the room.
However, there are six individuals
who are still chewing gum.”
Students stare at each other like murder suspects
in an Agatha Christie mystery. “If those people
do not get rid of their gum right now,
they will be attending lunchtime detention tomorrow.”
Slowly, the guilty parties rise, and shamefully
make their way to the wastebasket.
One boy, genuinely impressed, turns
to his friends, and with admiration exclaims,
“How does he do that?”
