Your list of lovers
stored invisibly in your mind
ORGANIZED into categories of a vivid time.
Their names I do not know.
Their faces do not show.
They invade the present
with recollection’s shadow.
I know they are there.
They have all held a piece of you
I can never touch.
History leaves me questioning my belonging
Did you love them more
or just as much
or less than me?
I know I shouldn’t be measuring.
I’d rather it be none of these.
Their existence fuels my insecurity.
I want to tear the list of the past to shreds
and erase the unknown beds.
I want to be the only—
Not enlisted,
encoded inside of you
just an item of belonging.
Yours is a list no eye should read.
I see the imprint of memory.
Yet I know the truth of such ratings.
There are all one of many
that brought you to me.