two years ago tomorrow

my heart is braced
to see the date
on my phone
on the schedule
on the lunch calendar

how could it
have been two years now
since you left us
seems like a day or a week
my heart is still tender
you’re still so alive
in my mind
and in my heart

your number is still in my phone
my calendar alert is still set
to your Wednesday zoom call

I still go to call you
when I have good news
or bad
and on your birthday
once I even bought a card for you
at the grocery store
only to remember
I can’t send it to you
where you are

I keep expecting
the phone to ring
and it’s you calling
to catch up

I keep expecting to
hear your voice
one more time –
and not just in the stored
voice mails on my phone
that I have memorized by now

I keep expecting to open
the mailbox
and see your lovely
script on an envelope
with a letter of love inside

And when I fly to
North Carolina
each time
my heart lifts as the plane
touches down
until I remember
I cannot see you
on this visit
or any future visit

for you are gone
in body
but not in spirit

I will hold you near
treasuring our memories
and relishing our years
you will always
live on in my heart