Definitely the wrong play. I had auditioned for the lead in Siren Song. The neurotic alcoholic wife who is cheating on her husband. Thought it would be great fun. Close to home. But how did I get in this boring play. Hardly any lines. Just a dull housewife who plays solitaire while stroking her cats. Her big line is, “But I already fed Lucy and Petunia.” Who cares about cats, anyway? And I am allergic? Sneezing through rehearsals. The lead woman has fat thighs and fake hair. She gets the sexy man with a two-day beard who totally ignores me. Both on stage and off. Even when I wear stiletto heels with leg-gripping jeans and gobs of makeup. Even when I invite him for a few drinks after rehearsals, and who knows what might happen later? I whisper as I touch his cheek with my Bold Cherry Red acrylic nails. I have sent my resume and headshots to over six hundred directors. Two in Kazakhstan. Five in Burkina Faso. Apparently, this is as good as it gets. At least for me. Today the producer said the play is closing. Only twelve tickets sold. All to me.