I don’t know how it is but there’s all these words washing around inside me but when I sit down to write (and I can only do that on Tuesdays because of the doctors and all these other things you don’t know about but we’ll come to them maybe or not) they seem to come out in these little parsimonious dribs and drabs as though I was writing some kind of imagist poem or something and all the wild wash of words still seems to be in there and it can’t get out and that’s what I’m trying to tell you now (or maybe show you, I don’t know what’s show and what’s tell these days) I only know that now my fingers seem to be flashing a bit over the keys and that’s good that must be good mustn’t it; you shouldn’t keep it bottled up that’s what they’re always saying to me if you keep it bottled up it’ll come out some time some way like it did with Maisie.
But I don’t want to think about that there are so many other things I’m trying to say or is it things I’m trying not to say I’m not sure are there all these words these words going round and round in the word wash are they just cover stories like just ways of trying to say things that aren’t the thing I really want to say but if I keep going will they come out will they come out right will they come out at all or will they just keep going around and around like they always do writer reader reader writer with just this limited amount of words to exchange or is it more than that do words get burnished refurbished the more they’re exchanged or do they get scrubbed down beaten down reduced to an indiscriminate mass in the word wash but at least I seem to be writing now and that’s always good that’s always good isn’t it that’s what they tell me.
It isn’t as though there’ve been events at all really I don’t remember her Maisie or what happened to her what I remember is words circulating round and round oh so you say you have no memory son do you you say nothing lodges in that shiny little pate of yours you say and then I say well of course a lot has lodged but how do I know what it has to do with the real world if there is such a thing and I’m not sure about that it’s just the word wash isn’t it you know I find it hard to come out of that and I’m not really sure I ever I’m not sure I have what do you call it an effect in the real world whatever that may be maybe I’m just stuck here all the time in the word wash and I can’t seem to get out no matter how urgent you say it is and what these dire consequences will be if don’t I really love those weird words dire and consequences.
