I waver between
alone
and lonely
solitude, at times
brings contentment and peace–
other times this oneness is hard
when I am full
being alone
is enough
but when I’m empty
being alone
is barren
when I have
energy to reach out for company
it helps
on the hard days
I am filled with
memories and loss
loss upon loss
building …
I am so weary
I long to
soak up the magic
of Christmas
and let it fill me up
with contentment
and the taste of a hint of joy
but on the
other side
of Christmas
are
anniversaries and memories
waiting for me
one after another
they loom
as the calendar flips
all in the
cold bleak
of winter
and I bear
these losses and griefs
solo, still
I long for
the spring
and its rebirth
until that day
I will seek to soften my heart
to the light within
I lean into the days
when
I am full
and the days
when being alone
is enough
