I waver between
and lonely

solitude, at times
brings contentment and peace–
other times this oneness is hard

when I am full
being alone
is enough

but when I’m empty
being alone
is barren

when I have
energy to reach out for company
it helps

on the hard days
I am filled with
memories and loss

loss upon loss
building …
I am so weary

I long to
soak up the magic
of Christmas

and let it fill me up
with contentment
and the taste of a hint of joy

but on the
other side
of Christmas

anniversaries and memories
waiting for me

one after another
they loom
as the calendar flips

all in the
cold bleak
of winter

and I bear
these losses and griefs
solo, still

I long for
the spring
and its rebirth

until that day
I will seek to soften my heart
to the light within

I lean into the days
I am full

and the days
when being alone
is enough