what will it take
to feel indelible joy
again
the kind that doesn’t
go away the instant it
arrives
or when the next
tidal wave of grief
crashes over it
what will it feel like
when that undying joy
bubbles up again, inside
will I still be able to feel it
or will this shield of sadness
keep it at bay
something I can see
and touch but no longer
feel
will I simply
be able to watch others around me
feel joy
but no longer
wear the skin of smiling, laughing
and crying happy tears
will my happy tears
turn to grief tears
once they begin their tidal flow?
grief has wound itself round joy
so tightly in my heart
they are now conjoined twins
if happiness gets tugged
out spills sadness
in its wake
if only I could knit a sweater of joy
for my heart without grief climbing on
the thread
